“Now the Philistines had taken the ark of God, and they brought it from Eben-
ezer unto Ashdod. And the Philistines took the ark of God, and brought it into
the house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.”
The God of Israel was not about to allow Philistines to keep the holy ark, wrested away from
the Hebrews in Samuel 4. He intervened, making sure that His ark would come home to the
Jews, where it belonged.
But first, it was showtime. “And the Philistines took the ark of God, and brought it into the
house of Dagon, and set it by Dagon.” Dagon in Hebrew is a variation of the word “fish.” This
half-fish from the waist up and half-man replete with arms and legs below reminds readers of
some type of mermaid figurine. A marine mascot served as the Philistine god.
Jewish sages have different opinions to explain why the Philistines “brought it into the house of
Dagon, and set it by Dagon.” At any rate, the Creator would have none of it. And so, He ordered
up a miracle. “And when they of Ashdod arose early on the morrow, behold, Dagon was fallen
upon his face to the ground before the ark of the LORD. And they took Dagon, and set him in his
place again.” Surprised to find their god off its pedestal, face down, Philistines chalked up the
awkward mishap to circumstance. After dusting off their idol, they placed it back on its stand.
God ordered up another miracle on behalf of His ark. “And when they arose early on the
morrow morning, behold, Dagon was fallen upon his face to the ground before the ark of the
LORD; and the head of Dagon and both the palms of his hands lay cut off upon the threshold;
only the trunk of Dagon was left to him.” Aghast, Philistines found their god dismembered, its
sculpted parts in disarray.
At this juncture, no one in Ashdod attributed the act to accident. After analysis, investigators
concluded there was just no way to put forth that Dagon somehow slipped or wiggled off its
stand. An affront to the Philistine god it was.
Of course, the God of Israel was not content to allow His ark to remain among the pagan
Philistines. That’s when things got messy. “But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of
Ashdod, and He destroyed them, and smote them with emerods [hemorrhoids], even Ashdod
and the borders thereof.” The entire district cried out in excruciating, rectal pain.
Mass hysteria ensued. “And when the men of Ashdod saw that it was so, they said: The ark of
the God of Israel shall not abide with us; for His hand is sore upon us, and upon Dagon our
god.” Damage control became the order of the day, as local chieftains quickly convened.
Leaders in Ashdod knew one thing; the ark of the God of Israel had to go. “They sent therefore
and gathered all the lords of the Philistines unto them, and said: What shall we do with the ark
of the God of Israel? And they answered: Let the ark of the God of Israel be carried about unto
Gath. And they carried the ark of the God of Israel about thither.” Predictably enough, Gath
couldn’t contain God’s wrath either.
Nor could Ekron. A noticeable pattern emerged. No Philistine city-state or resident would be
safe so long as the ark of the God of Israel remained captive within its borders. Indeed, the
Maker wrought horror upon the Philistines in a manner reminiscent of the plagues that visited
Egypt. “The hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great discomfiture; and He smote
the men of the city, both small and great, and emerods [hemorrhoids] broke out upon them.”
Death stalked Ekron, Abravanel teaches. “They sent therefore and gathered together all the
lords of the Philistines, and they said: Send away the ark of the God of Israel, and let it go back
to its own place, that it slay us not, and our people; for there was a deadly discomfiture
throughout all the city; the hand of God was very heavy there.”
An Egyptian redo. Ekron chiefs bewailed the city’s devastation, one that knocked on each
family’s door – with nary a house that feel the brunt. Surely, the dead fared better than the
living afflicted with horrid hemorrhoids. Samuel 5 concludes with a piercing shriek, but not a
resolution. “And the men that died not were smitten with the emerods [hemorrhoids]; and the
cry of the city went up to heaven.”